How to Reduce Perfectionism: 3 Simple Strategies That Help
Perfectionism can feel like constant pressure to get things right, avoid mistakes, and always do more. While these standards may come from a desire to succeed or feel in control, they often lead to stress, self-criticism, anxiety or depression.
The good news is that perfectionism is not something you are stuck with. Small, intentional changes in how you think, respond to situations, and relate to yourself can make a meaningful difference. Below are three simple, easy to use, and powerful ways to begin reducing perfectionism in your daily life.
1. Notice and Change How You Talk to Yourself
One of the biggest influences on perfectionistic patterns is the way you talk to yourself.
Perfectionistic thinking often includes:
“I should…”
“I must…”
“I need to…”
“I have to…”
This language can feel motivating at first, but over these statements create overwhelming pressure. They also raise your expectations for yourself so high that making mistakes or falling short (which is inevitable for everyone) feels deeply shameful, disappointing, or unacceptable.
From a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) perspective, these “should/must” statements increase rigidity in thinking. When your inner rules are strict, your reactions to violation of those rules tend to be strict too.
Try shifting your language:
Instead of:
“I need to complete my to-do list today.”
Try:
“I would like to complete my to-do list today.”
Instead of:
“I have to get this right the first time.”
Try:
“I’m focusing on progress, not perfection.”
These subtle shifts can reduce pressure, dread, and urgency while increasing flexibility. This is a foundational coping skill for perfectionism used in therapy.
2. Replace Self-Criticism With Self-Compassion
People with perfectionism are hard on themselves. Mistakes can quickly lead to self-criticism, shame, or frustration. The belief is often that if you punish yourself enough, you will learn.
But constant criticism actually does the opposite – it makes it harder to grow or step outside your comfort zone. When you feel like you’re under constant threat of not meeting a high standard, it becomes very risky to get things wrong.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) helps you tap into a different inner voice, one that is supportive rather than harsh.
This inner voice recognizes that mistakes are a part of being human and offers you kindness instead of criticism when you are struggling:
Try these self-compassion statements:
“This is hard right now, and I am trying.”
“Mistakes are part of learning.”
“I am not defined by this moment.”
“I don’t need to be perfect to matter.”
Self-compassion helps you feel more grounded, supported, and able to persist through difficulty.
3. Do Things Imperfectly (on Purpose!)
One of the most effective ways to reduce perfectionism is to gently practice imperfection.
This helps you learn something important: You can handle discomfort and mistakes are not as dangerous as they feel.
The goal is not to eliminate anxiety or self-doubt, but to learn how to act based on your values even when those feelings are present.
Try small experiments like:
Sending an email with a typo
“Winging it” a little in a low-pressure situation, like a meeting or class
Take a breath and pause before answering someone’s request (or say “I will think more about it.”)
At first, this may feel uncomfortable. That’s normal. Perfectionism often creates the belief that changes are unsafe, even when they are not.
Over time, these small steps build confidence. You begin to learn through experience that you can tolerate discomfort and still move forward in meaningful ways. Practicing imperfection can also increase your relatability and deepen connection to other people.
Interested In More Coping Skills For Perfectionism?
Call to set up a free consultation, and we can explore even more interventions in therapy for perfectionism. Small shifts in how you think, speak to yourself, and respond to discomfort can lead to meaningful changes. Schedule an appointment to get started.